The thought of going to Iraq first came to me in the summer of 2004. Admittedly it was a strange impulse, but a longing to see for myself what was really taking place “over there” obsessed me. This war had divided our country so viciously, so profoundly, that in my eyes it begged for a closer examination. Did it really matter if I was from a blue state or a red state, conservative or liberal? Could I really claim an intelligent opinion based purely on whose rhetoric best matched my own? Most importantly, with such a dismal breakdown of communication, how could we ever hope to find any kind of solution? These are some of the questions, which initially motivated me to take this journey.
My lofty idealism quickly gave way, however, to the realities of living in a war zone. It's amazing how quickly one adapts to explosions and constant gunfire. After a while you don't even blink an eye. I attributed this insane habituation to survival instinct, coupled with denial. I learned that in war nothing is what it seems. Each single issue can break down to a million shades of gray. There is no black and white, no absolute good or evil.
Perhaps this is why the search for meaning becomes so vital in war; as humans we cling to the belief that we are doing something of worth. We tend to hope that somewhere there exists a greater benevolent power, wise and infinitely beyond our understanding, that has for its' own unselfish reasons seen fit to put us in harm's way or reclaim the lives of our loved ones.
It may be necessary for us to know the minds of those who choose to wage war, to understand their true reasons and motivations. Possibly then we can begin to address the rage that exists at the core of human beings and embark on evolving to a more peaceful existence. If not, we are all unquestionably headed for annihilation.
Any stab at the truth is going to cut both ways. This film is my humble attempt to bring the truth of my experience home.
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